Bitchy Book Review: “Available” by Matteson Perry


Rating: 1/10 stars

Matteson Perry is a dick.

But he’s that special kind of dick that is fully convinced that he’s a Nice Guy. You know, I actually started keeping a tally of how many times Perry unironically referred to himself as a “nice guy” but I stopped at one hundred billion. This dude is LITERALLY every guy on Tinder.

Seriously, this guy is such an outrageously smarmy asshole of a person. He’s spurned by a girlfriend and decides to spend a year “letting loose” and “living in the moment” by sleeping with literally as many girls as he can, culminating in what he assumes to be a sex-fueled desert orgy at Burning Man.

His inflated ego is truly an impressive thing to behold. Also, it’s incredibly unflattering towards the women who made the choice (mistake?) of actually sleeping with him. He makes them out to look stalkerish, clingy, pathetic, un-interesting, or cold and distant. Whatever fit his narrative of him being a “nice guy”.

Also, a LOT of the book was dedicated to him describing Burning Man. I have had several friends go to Burning Man, and while his description was consistent with theirs, the only thing worse than listening to a friend describe Burning Man is reading about it from someone you don’t know. Seriously, such filler bullshit, because the entire book was uninteresting, un-enlightening, and literally an egocentric circle jerk for Matteson “Nice Guy” Perry.

Like the chapter where he talks about how he such a “nice guy” and “nice guys don’t cheat”, followed shortly by how he cheated, and then justified how it was barely cheating because it was just a kiss. Oh yeah, this happens twice. The entire book is filled with justifications for his actions that make the reader wondering if he is trying to convince the reader or himself.

The book is literally about him attempting to fuck as many girls as possible with no emotional attachment, then at one point he meets this girl who “uses him for sex” and then tell him to go home after, so he’s decides to emotionally fuck with her by making her fall for him so that he can dump her? Even though that’s the shit he’s been pulling through the entirety of the book?

Actual quote from the book: “I was going to do everything someone wants when they want to be a girl’s boyfriend. Everything, of course, except be her boyfriend. No, once I wooed her and it was time to the talk, well, let’s just say she’d be the one sitting in traffic late at night. Nobody puts Matteson in a corner.”

He will have occasionally flashes of insight (after all, this is supposed to be about a journey of self-discovery? Through using as many girls for sex as possible?) but his rare moments of shallow “woke-ness” hardly make up for his shitty actions and even shittier inflated ego.

This is truly, truly an awful book and Perry is truly an awful person. My heart goes out to the women who actually thought he might not be a dick when you interacted with him. And my heart goes out to me, for finishing this awful trash book.



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